I am a consumer of stories. I heard a story recently of a well-meaning mother-in-law who would wax poetic about her grandkids TO other grandkids. Maybe her intention was to motivate, but that was not the effect. It only served to alienate the kids who were with her. I thought to myself, “Crap, I do that!”
It’s so easy to fall into a pattern where your sphere of awareness is hijacked. Whether you’re feeling boastful or bewildered by your kid’s actions, it still eats your attention. When I’m in that state, I’m like a dog with a bone. I run through scenarios to either “fix” the problem or strengthen my ego with some fantabulous parenting win. All of that is fine if I keep it away from my other kids. But I haven’t. I am blessed with children who contact me often, and if I’m in that problem-solving or ego-boosting mode, invariably it will leak into conversations with the actual kid on the phone.
When I heard the M.I.L. story, the phrase “Love the One You’re With” popped into my head. That is the definition of evolved parenting, paying attention to the kid in the room (actual or virtual) and dealing with your other kids on your own time. That honors the one who made an effort to connect, and it keeps your awareness in the same space as your presence.
Imagine if we expanded this concept to other relationships: work/home, spouse/friends, spouse/kids. What if we flipped a switch to pay attention to the person in the room instead of the images on the screen? Wouldn’t it be worth making the effort if this concentration of focus brought more joy to one person? What if that one person is you!
XO
Terri
P.S. If you need a little help re-uniting your presence with your attention, tell me all about it HERE or go here for more in depth LIFE-COACH help.
