The definition of friends has changed dramatically in the last couple of decades. The number of followers on social media may determine your “friend” group, but is quantity the most important metric? Prolly not, because most social media friends are really acquaintances. You can’t call them when you need a ride to the airport or help moving. Those are the actions of true friends, but you won’t have those if you spend all your connecting time on social media.
I can count my true friends on one hand. They are my soul sisters. My best friend, Hannah, drove 13 hours with her daughters to help me open my wellness center in 2016. She has listened to me giggle and/or weep on the phone for almost 46 years. We visit each other once or twice a year, but we talk on the phone nearly daily. We make space in our day, because we’re important.
True friends are like a balm to the soul. Just yesterday I was woozy from pollen-palooza (demon Spring!), and I was spinning woe like a Victorian heroine in search of a fainting couch. Then Hannah called! We chatted and solved the world’s problems. When I hung up, I hopped off the couch and rejoined my day. I had the same pain, it just didn’t hurt as much. That’s the power of true friends.
Hannah and I don’t need to see each other face to face to connect, as we have a deep bond that began as small-town girls in a fancy boarding school. We bonded over our outsider status, and we’ve never looked back. Some years life got in the way, but our friendship continues to thrive! Here are some suggestions for finding your people:
* Recycle old friendships: Do you have old friends that you no longer see? Recycle them first before worrying about new friends. This can be as easy as sending a text to someone you haven’t talked to in months–or years. Just say “I was thinking about you today, how are you?” You may find that there’s a reason you’ve drifted apart, or you may find that your friendship picks up just where it left off.
*Show up as your authentic self: You must show up real and unfiltered to find a true friend. If you’re changing to fit into a friend group, your people won’t find you–because they won’t recognize an imposter. When you have dropped all facades and let things get messy, that’s when you find your people. Try taking a class that tickles your fancy; chances are you will find a few of your people there, because they are like YOU!
*Put friendship first: Once you find your people, you must nurture those friendships like rare orchids for them to flower. For me that looks like putting a walk with a friend before that new show or the next thing on the TODO list; it’s worth it.
With any luck (after all it IS St. Patrick’s Day and I AM 1/4 Irish) this blog will spur you to find, or re-visit, some true friends, because at the end of the day real friends bring life to your life!
XO
Terri
P.S. Have other suggestions about building friendship? Email me or go HERE for coaching!
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